The road to recovery? maybe...
Had a really long and painful chat with her last night. i could have simply avoided it by going to sleep but no i had to go and dig it out from her, knowing its gonna really hurt me. You know who would have thought that after all we've been through, i felt that it might take longer but i guess i was so so wrong. i mean traumatized is the word i used to describe myself, it was like 11 months of memories. i cannot even comprehand how painful it is just trying to block it out. all the things we did, all the things we said, all the emotions that were involve, all the time spent with each other, all the feelings that were experienced... it seemed as if she has forgotten all about it. she tells me she is guilty and sad too but to what extent? i mean its clear that she has developed feelings for another, well it just shows that her feelings involved were not deep enough to shatter her heart. you tell me to try to understand u, u tell me u are hurt and sad too. yes... hurt enough to feel sad when he doesn't want to tell u everything. yes very hurt indeed.....
it really is very sad to know that despite all that we've been through, u do not even feel sad that we hardly even contact anymore. you have no qualms about losing contact with me. you brag about how sad when u lose contact with friends, you moaned about losing your friends when with me, take it that i am comparing or whatever, it just clearly show that u never really love me. would u feel sad if u lose me? would you think of me when i'm gone? would u cry if i was gone..... i called you to wish u good luck before u start school but all i got was a cold shoulder. u ask me to understand u to really understand u and i did, i put myself in your shoes. i know that if it were me, i would pause what i was doing to chat with my friend who was specially taking time to call and wish me good luck. i got angry but decided i was being too sensitive so i apologise. but i guess i will not stay passive anymore, would u say u are busy if he was the one who called? you have the nerve to block me on msn, not once not twice but 3 times. for what reason i don't know and don't care. would u do that to your friends?
Aaron its time you wake up and smell the coffee... i had enough of u treating me the way u do. its inhuman and unjustifiable. i will not allow myself to be hurt by you anymore, i will not allow my sleep to be plague by u any longer. you do not have the slightest clue the hell u put me through, the pain i suffered, the sheer agony of my heart being shattered and i have to piece it back together bit by bit. you have no idea the meaning of the word traumatize....
now u may be telling me since its so painful why dont i just leave u alone and forget about you. by you even saying that, it also shows that u have no idea the the meaning of feelings. if i can i would have already done so. its not easy to just forget about 11 months of memories, about all the wonderful times we had. you don't know what its like to be praying everyday for the happiness to return. u picked yourself up in just a few months.. good for you.... but my road to recovery is still long and hard.
i'm not a hyprocrate... i'm just showing you what being a friend is about. seriously, i really really don't like u at all. after what u did to me, i have no reason to even bother about you. i am just showing you what being a friend is about, i don't think anyone else knows u as well as i do in certain ways. i can read you like a book, if i am not there who would..... weird but i'm not normal anyway.. i guess it was a pretty good conversation last night or rather this morning. what i wrote in this entry wll definitely hurt you but i will not reserve my words anymore. i will not apologise for it as well. i'm just being a friend who don't really like you... keep in mind the conversation we had, i saved it so if u want it i can send it to you. i hope that ur feelings are clear now. i promise i will be here and u know i will.. be it to slap u senseless or to provide a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.. u know who to call...........
it really is very sad to know that despite all that we've been through, u do not even feel sad that we hardly even contact anymore. you have no qualms about losing contact with me. you brag about how sad when u lose contact with friends, you moaned about losing your friends when with me, take it that i am comparing or whatever, it just clearly show that u never really love me. would u feel sad if u lose me? would you think of me when i'm gone? would u cry if i was gone..... i called you to wish u good luck before u start school but all i got was a cold shoulder. u ask me to understand u to really understand u and i did, i put myself in your shoes. i know that if it were me, i would pause what i was doing to chat with my friend who was specially taking time to call and wish me good luck. i got angry but decided i was being too sensitive so i apologise. but i guess i will not stay passive anymore, would u say u are busy if he was the one who called? you have the nerve to block me on msn, not once not twice but 3 times. for what reason i don't know and don't care. would u do that to your friends?
Aaron its time you wake up and smell the coffee... i had enough of u treating me the way u do. its inhuman and unjustifiable. i will not allow myself to be hurt by you anymore, i will not allow my sleep to be plague by u any longer. you do not have the slightest clue the hell u put me through, the pain i suffered, the sheer agony of my heart being shattered and i have to piece it back together bit by bit. you have no idea the meaning of the word traumatize....
now u may be telling me since its so painful why dont i just leave u alone and forget about you. by you even saying that, it also shows that u have no idea the the meaning of feelings. if i can i would have already done so. its not easy to just forget about 11 months of memories, about all the wonderful times we had. you don't know what its like to be praying everyday for the happiness to return. u picked yourself up in just a few months.. good for you.... but my road to recovery is still long and hard.
i'm not a hyprocrate... i'm just showing you what being a friend is about. seriously, i really really don't like u at all. after what u did to me, i have no reason to even bother about you. i am just showing you what being a friend is about, i don't think anyone else knows u as well as i do in certain ways. i can read you like a book, if i am not there who would..... weird but i'm not normal anyway.. i guess it was a pretty good conversation last night or rather this morning. what i wrote in this entry wll definitely hurt you but i will not reserve my words anymore. i will not apologise for it as well. i'm just being a friend who don't really like you... keep in mind the conversation we had, i saved it so if u want it i can send it to you. i hope that ur feelings are clear now. i promise i will be here and u know i will.. be it to slap u senseless or to provide a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.. u know who to call...........
posted by Aaron Sze at 6:51 AM
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