Already?

wow... only 9 more days to POP. time really flies when you're "having fun". enlistment seems like only yesterday. looking back this week, i'd say it was pretty alright. Apart from having 2 gigantic blisters on my sole and holding my life and my PC's in the palm of my hand. Come to think of it, i changed my mind, this week in camp was quite terrible i would say.

Being in the drill squard is no easy feat unlike what everybody thinks. While others are having free time, we're doing drills, training to perfect our coordination. Be it in the scorching heat or the rain, we still have to train. its not the best of comment when people say we are suckers. putting those insolent low life aside, our efforts did pay off eventually, my company was the champion for the drill competition. Ah, which brings me to yesterday games day... it was kinda cool coz even though my company was champion in the drills and mini-polo, we some how or the other by some force unknown manage to come in last place....

On holding my life in the palm of my hand, it was the live grenade throw. believe me, its scary to know that my life lies in my hand. anyway, since i'm typing this now, it means i'm still alive. it was a great experience and kinda fun too.

Got 24km route march on tuesday, not really looking forward to that. After 16km, the blisters on my feet rendered me disabled for 3 days causing me to miss my ippt. guess what? the re-ippt is after the 24km, what luck... dammit..... i think there is a prob with my feet as i seem to be the only one getting severe blisters. i mean really bad.. think leprosy, now u get the idea?

well, BMT is about over and the next phase of my life will soon unfold. Keep praying Aaron....

6 weeks already...

Looking back i realized that 6 weeks had already passed since i entered BMT in april. lots of things has changed since then. i have grown to realized and understand a lot more things about life. shall not blog about that coz i don even know what to write. anyway its during this time where i am sort of shut from the outside world that u see friendship which are true. there are many who will walk into our lives but only few will leave footprints in our heart.

i wanna thank you for ur care and the effort u put in for me. A msg of concern or a simple good night msg means so much to me. it lifts my spirits and puts a smile on my face. you never fail to send me e-mails, i've been receiving them for years and every one of them puts a smile on my face. its may be just as simple as clicking "send" but when received, it means the world to me. you call me at night to talk to me and to listen to what i have to say knowing i'm trap on an island away from civilization. thanks for all ur care and concern, thanks for being such a sweet friend.

As for my bestie lydia, although u don call me, its ok coz i understand ur situation. u only have enough for 1 person. haha... i need to pay u to talk to me... lol... never mind la, in my heart i know u think of me can already.. u better don stop thinking ah, i know one k.. can feel it.. oh thanks for ur testi.. i was estatic to find like 4 testi when i check friendster all saying how u love and miss me... so sweet sia.... ok la ok la, i also love u and miss u.... haha... (may he nv find my blog) ok, don stop sending ah! wahahaha....

Army life has been alright i guess, i need to lose weight.... i'm gaining lots of muscle mass which makes me a lot heavier, so i need to lose extra weight to balance the effect. the results for the live range is out, and i got the best shooter in my platoon! yay!

i went to watch star wars with ka and lh yesterday. finally after 3 years, the star wars saga has come to an end. it was a really good show, well thats from the perspective of a star wars fan. i realized one important thing from the movie, all your troubles stem from females. Eve was the root of Adams fall, need i say more. k i better shut up before some female activists come crashing through my door.

More importantly, as quoted from master yoda himself "learn to let go of the things most important u must."

Sit test...

After surviving 7 days in the jungle, i was given a day break to go home and wash all my clothes. Then its back to the jungle again for my situational test, in short sit test. This is an assessment of each individual's capacity to make inform decision so that the team can successfully complete their mission in the shortest amount of time.

Ok enough of the details. i was a demolition man in the team, my job is to blow things up. well ok i was just given wooden blocks and nylon strings to act as explosives. anyway, i guess i was pretty lucky to be in a team where there are no wayang kias. i read zhe rui's blog and i agree that a leader does not need to make himself prominent, instead he will gradually shine amongst the rest and enable his team members to work towards a common goal. A good leader is a good follower, he leads by example. As time pass, he will naturally earn the respect of his man and become outstanding in his own way. One must never fall into the trap of commanding his man as the most important aspect of a leader is his relationship with his man. As quoted from zhe rui, "i'd rather be a leader than a commander."

Field camp...

ok so heres the long overdue entry that i was supposed to type last week but was too tired to do so... 7 days out in the wilderness, 7 days without proper sanitation, without proper shelter and proper food... i must say its an experience that i will never forget. they say adversity brings out the worst in people or they bring out the best in people. its true.. it takes a lot of mental strength to overcome snoring from the "wild boars" at night... believe me, all u want is a good nights rest after a whole day of chiong sua. if its not the "wild boars" its the killer mosquitos from mars. they are an elite squadrant of blood suckers that can bite right through your clothes just to have a taste of fresh blood... don't mess with them, they are well armed and trained.

then there is this ritual we go through everyday to cleanse ourselves. we would strip down to our underwear and pour sacred white powder all over our body, leaving no area uncleansed, yes leaving no stones unturned... then we immortalised ourselves for years to come. yes... its nuts... testosterone does weird things to males...

i dare say i had the whole experience for field camp.. it rained 3 out of 7 days.. my platoon sergeant said that a field camp is not the same without rain, so i guess i am pretty lucky... yeah right! its sux when it rains during the field camp.. sleeping under a half water proof basha(tent), freezing out in the open... the worst part was that i had to dig my shellscrape( for those who dunno what this is, its ur own grave) in the rain. freak! i felt like i'm in a horror movie in which i am burying a body out in the storm... not forgetting the king size centipedes that might visit u while u are sleeping.

well overall field camp was a good experience, at least we learnt some tactical army stuff... instead of just running and strength training.. given a chance, i definitely would not wanna go again... once is enough... i never knew how precious concrete was until field camp.. haaa i'm just glad its over... people out there, pls appreciate fresh food.... no matter how horrible it is... at least its warm...

The road to recovery? maybe...

Had a really long and painful chat with her last night. i could have simply avoided it by going to sleep but no i had to go and dig it out from her, knowing its gonna really hurt me. You know who would have thought that after all we've been through, i felt that it might take longer but i guess i was so so wrong. i mean traumatized is the word i used to describe myself, it was like 11 months of memories. i cannot even comprehand how painful it is just trying to block it out. all the things we did, all the things we said, all the emotions that were involve, all the time spent with each other, all the feelings that were experienced... it seemed as if she has forgotten all about it. she tells me she is guilty and sad too but to what extent? i mean its clear that she has developed feelings for another, well it just shows that her feelings involved were not deep enough to shatter her heart. you tell me to try to understand u, u tell me u are hurt and sad too. yes... hurt enough to feel sad when he doesn't want to tell u everything. yes very hurt indeed.....

it really is very sad to know that despite all that we've been through, u do not even feel sad that we hardly even contact anymore. you have no qualms about losing contact with me. you brag about how sad when u lose contact with friends, you moaned about losing your friends when with me, take it that i am comparing or whatever, it just clearly show that u never really love me. would u feel sad if u lose me? would you think of me when i'm gone? would u cry if i was gone..... i called you to wish u good luck before u start school but all i got was a cold shoulder. u ask me to understand u to really understand u and i did, i put myself in your shoes. i know that if it were me, i would pause what i was doing to chat with my friend who was specially taking time to call and wish me good luck. i got angry but decided i was being too sensitive so i apologise. but i guess i will not stay passive anymore, would u say u are busy if he was the one who called? you have the nerve to block me on msn, not once not twice but 3 times. for what reason i don't know and don't care. would u do that to your friends?

Aaron its time you wake up and smell the coffee... i had enough of u treating me the way u do. its inhuman and unjustifiable. i will not allow myself to be hurt by you anymore, i will not allow my sleep to be plague by u any longer. you do not have the slightest clue the hell u put me through, the pain i suffered, the sheer agony of my heart being shattered and i have to piece it back together bit by bit. you have no idea the meaning of the word traumatize....

now u may be telling me since its so painful why dont i just leave u alone and forget about you. by you even saying that, it also shows that u have no idea the the meaning of feelings. if i can i would have already done so. its not easy to just forget about 11 months of memories, about all the wonderful times we had. you don't know what its like to be praying everyday for the happiness to return. u picked yourself up in just a few months.. good for you.... but my road to recovery is still long and hard.

i'm not a hyprocrate... i'm just showing you what being a friend is about. seriously, i really really don't like u at all. after what u did to me, i have no reason to even bother about you. i am just showing you what being a friend is about, i don't think anyone else knows u as well as i do in certain ways. i can read you like a book, if i am not there who would..... weird but i'm not normal anyway.. i guess it was a pretty good conversation last night or rather this morning. what i wrote in this entry wll definitely hurt you but i will not reserve my words anymore. i will not apologise for it as well. i'm just being a friend who don't really like you... keep in mind the conversation we had, i saved it so if u want it i can send it to you. i hope that ur feelings are clear now. i promise i will be here and u know i will.. be it to slap u senseless or to provide a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.. u know who to call...........

A few good man...

I've realized that i know very little people.. or rather i understand very few people. My world just became bigger since i entered army. I met many interesting people there. i think i describe a bit in my previous entry but since i'm writing about it again, it just shows that they are really worth my time blogging.

Since there was so much waiting time during the live range, i had the chance to relack one corner(must say with malay accent) with some of my section mates. i discovered that most of them are either attatch or had been traumatize. Most of them are first timers too. stories were shared and i realized that we are maturing fast but yet still so immature and so naive. ironic isn't it... i've learnt from them and they have also learnt from me. well mostly about relationship that is, one of them had a gf for 3yrs 8mths before it finally ended. then he had another gf in JC for another 2 yrs+ before she broke it off coz she had no feelings for him anymore. He got over it 99% so why can't i? There is this 2 other guys, they are currently attached to their first both for almost a year already. haha its interesting how they come and ask me for advice. funny at times too... these people are really sincere and honest guys, its nice to meet people who are good for a change.(no pun intended) its heart warming to see them hiding under their pillow every night talking to their gf. haha.. i asked them don't they get tired of talking, they just smile and say no... i can say NS has helped me on the road to recovery or at least occupy me so i have no time to think... so wheres the 1% that cannot be rid of? well, you can never get over that 1% until some one special steps into your life again and brings the sunshine back. till then that 1% will always remain...

its been 3 weeks in army already and seriously, i am surprise at how little vulgarities i've heard. Not comparing with school that is.. i thought it was gonna be "toot" every second but its not. there are those who uses vulgarities like punctuation but lets not bother with these people. i see a common pattern, Christians tend to use little to none profanities. its great that instead of us being influence, the people who generally dislike vulgarities are influencing others to stop using them like i will scold my buddy everytime he uses it.

well, i can honestly say that i started this blog to keep my writing skills in check but most importantly its for you to know whats going on in my life. i guess i need not say much coz u have others who will fill u in on NS life. haha it must be interesting for u...

"Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes is certain for those who are friends."

A sleep deprived week...

Good news, i didn't faint while carrying my field pack back to tekong. tekong is becoming a home already, i mean i spent more time there then at home. Went for live firing from mon till wed, well if u consider spending more than half the time waiting than firing that is. shoot for 15min, wait for 2 hours. so that wraps up another important part of BMT. on these 3 days, i only got to sleep at around 3am, then must wake up at 6am. terrible.. Thursday was a very strenious day, with AGR in the morning and then SOC in the afternoon. haha.. the number of injured people from SOC was fascinating. fine.. i was one of them.. your brain and limbs just don't co-operate anymore after doing it 3 times.. i thought i jumped but i still banged the wall... ouch... i think i was hit with some never say die drug or something. i still volunteered for guard duty later on! looking back i would have slap myself... Guard duty is fun, walking around tekong in pitch darkness is not my idea of fun but having the liscence to kill is... yes u heard me right, i had the liscence to kill.. i was given 5 live ammo which is to be loaded and shot if i see any suspicious people doing something suspicious. hey it beats walking around with a rattan shield and stick.
Had about 1h+ of effective sleep that night or rather morning.

i feel i am having a communication problem with my buddy... i cannot seem to click with him.. i feel more like his mother, constantly reminding him to stop eating heaty stuffs but to no avail. so now he is sick, see la don listen. He is quite the individualist, i mean he doesn't help much. half the time i cannot hear what he is saying and when i can hear, he is asking me to go toilet. he seldom help me and thats pretty frustrating. seriously i am praying for myself... he is like so nua loh.. can break anytime... haiz... need sleep.......... sleep........................................................